Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Lost and found

When I was younger, things were a lot easier. Not in a nostalgic "oh, to be a kid"  sort of way, but really in a very practical way - I hardly had to make any choices. I was (and still am) a nerd, so I finished high-school with excellent grades after studying my ass off. Then I went to the army, which is mandatory here in Israel.
When that was over, and after a year of working and making some money, I started university. This was one of the first serious choices I had to make, and one that I knew would have an effect on my life - what do I want to study? Of course, I had to make other choices and decisions before that, but now they seem kind of lightweight.
I eventually opted for a BA in humanities, studying English Literature and East Asia Studies. When people asked what I was going to do afterwards, I put on a serious and exhausted face and said "Let me get through these three years first, please". But had I answered honestly, it would look more like putting a terrified face on and saying "I DON'T KNOW!! HELP ME, PLEASE!".
So the three years are very much over by now, and unfortunately my answer is the same. I still don't know what I want to do, and the longer the situation stays the same, the more I feel completely and utterly LOST. The obvious outcome is that the more I feel lost, the more it looks like a fatal and irreversible sort of thing. Like: I will never ever find out what I want to do or realize what sort of occupation makes me happy, and the rest of my life will be spent moving from one part-time job to the other, forever drifting and never fulfilling my potential.
I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating for the sake of humor, but in all honesty, sometimes I actually believe that. It was only pretty recently that I found out most people my age, or who went through a similar path to mine, are similarly clueless as to the future. Apparently, we're all just drifting around, not sure what to do or where to go. This is somewhat encouraging, but not enough for me to sit back and say "oh, well, I guess this will eventually sort itself!".
So I do what I do best - I worry. I can't even try to think about it all and make any conclusions as to what I want to do, because I'm so worried about never finding my path. It's a difficult situation for me to be in, because I hate uncertainties. I am really racking my brain trying to find a positive note to end this post, but maybe it's unnecessary. Everything is not always sunshine and rainbows, and I don't believe in masking the negative things. I do need to learn how to not take them so seriously, though, but that's for another post.

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In other news , I owe you an update on the tales of the cat and the hellish jungle gym. So, apparently the monstrosity won't be going anywhere anytime soon, because... (drum roll)

Yes, we're watching Pitch Perfect 2. Do yourselves a favour and don't repeat our mistake.

Yup! Apparently the cat is warming up to the thing, so it will stay on in the apartment (and my nightmares). Oh, the sacrifices we make for our loved ones.

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